#110 - Should You Stay in Your Home in Retirement? What Women Need to Consider

Eric Blake: Welcome to another episode of The Simply Retirement Podcast, where we want to educate and empower women to live your retirement on your terms. I'm your host, Eric Blake, practicing retirement planner for over 25 years, founder of Blake Wealth Management, and I would not be the man I am today without the women in my life. Joining me again is Wendy McConnell. Wendy, how are you?

Wendy McConnell: I'm good. How are you?

Eric Blake: I am good. So I've got to confess something. This is probably going to cost me a lot of money at some point.

Wendy McConnell: Uh-oh.

Eric Blake: I think I shared in the last episode that our granddaughter was with us, right? We picked her up. She's been with us for almost a week, and she's learned something that I realize I will never be able to say no to.

Wendy McConnell: Okay.

Eric Blake: Her parents, or my daughter, have always taught her to say please and thank you and all those good things, but somehow she's learned to put a spin on the word please when she's asking for something that I just know I'm never going to be able to say no to.

Wendy McConnell: Oh, give me an example.

Eric Blake: So she goes, "Can I have a snack?" Instead of just saying please, she goes, "Can I have a snack pleeease?" She adds the extra oomph on it, and I just can't say no. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Wendy McConnell: It's the please that she's doing.

Eric Blake: It's not the please. It's the, "Can I have a snack pleeease?"

Wendy McConnell: Right. Yeah. Okay.

Eric Blake: It's the tone and the emphasis on the word.

Wendy McConnell: Please. Oh, yeah.

Eric Blake: Or she'll go, "Pleeease."

Wendy McConnell: Please. This is the most important thing of my life right now.

Eric Blake: I want a snack. Can I have a snack pleeease?

Wendy McConnell: Please, I need it.

Eric Blake: All right. All right. Yes. You can have one.

Wendy McConnell: Well, and you're an old softy now.

Eric Blake: Next it's going to be, "Can I have a dollar please? Can I have a 20 please?"

Wendy McConnell: See, my grandparents never gave us money, so that was never an issue.

Eric Blake: It's over. There's no chance.

Wendy McConnell: No. No, you're done for.

Eric Blake: That's it. But yeah, she's been with us for a week now. It's been amazing.

Wendy McConnell: And how much longer?

Eric Blake: She's with us for another four days. We take her back on Saturday. It'll be about 10 days total by the time we're headed back. It's fun. It's just crazy to see how much she's changed. She's learned that "please" since she was here last time, and that was only a few months ago.

Wendy McConnell: Yeah.

Eric Blake: The other things she says and does, she's very funny. She entertains herself, that's for sure. We've had a lot of fun with her.

Wendy McConnell: Well, it's always good when they can entertain themselves.

Eric Blake: Yes. All right. Since this might put me in the poor house someday, today we're going to be talking about where to live in retirement.

Wendy McConnell: See the way that was tied all together?

Eric Blake: Bring it all together, right? What's interesting is this topic has actually come up several times in conversations in our retirement planning practice. What stood out in these conversations is how important it is to look at this decision from different angles, not just from the financial side, but also from the practical lifestyle considerations and even the emotional side that might come into play.

Even if it is a financial decision, which it often can be, it's still about how you choose where to live. That's what I wanted to talk about today. Taking this bigger question of where should I live in retirement and, more importantly, how to think about this decision as part of an overall process, not just a one-time choice. If you're leaning toward staying in your current home, we're also going to talk about what to think about now to help ensure that decision works well over time, along with how to prepare for potential changes and transitions that may come later in life.

We'll also touch on how this decision may change if you find yourself making these decisions on your own later in life, which for many women becomes an important part of the conversation. As always, for links and resources, visit thesimplyretirementpodcast.com. And if you have a question, topic idea, or retirement challenge you'd like us to cover, visit thesimplyretirementpodcast.com/askeric.

Wendy McConnell: All right, let's go.

Eric Blake: Let's do it. Let's start with the big question. Where should I live in retirement? For many people, the conversation starts with one specific solution, like downsizing. On paper, that can seem very straightforward. Sell the home, move somewhere smaller, reduce expenses.

In reality, it's not always that simple. Many people do not want to move at all in retirement. Even when they do, the decision is rarely just about the size of the house. A home is not just a financial asset. There are emotions, memories, familiarity, community, and history tied to it. For many women, especially after the loss of a spouse, it's no longer a shared decision. It becomes a very personal one.

Wendy McConnell: Yeah. When we bought this house, I loved this area. I live on the water. I have no intentions of moving ever for a retirement home. This is where I plan to live for the rest of my life.

Eric Blake: And that's how a lot of people think. This is where they want to be. They've got their memories and hopefully the people around them that they want to spend time with. That's why we have to ask the right questions. When you step back from focusing only on downsizing, hopefully the decision becomes clearer.

We start thinking about support and connection. Who is nearby? Family, friends, neighbors. This becomes especially important if you are, or may eventually be, on your own. Then we think about access and mobility. Driving may be easy now, but what about later? Can you still get where you need to go and stay active and engaged?

Wendy McConnell: Mm. Okay.

Eric Blake: Then we have to think about healthcare access, not just today, but five, 10, or 15 years from now.

Wendy McConnell: Can we figure that out? No, of course we can't.

Eric Blake: We cannot. But it should be part of the decision. If you're considering moving, or if you're determined to stay where you are, having a plan matters. What will this look like five, 10, or 15 years from now?

Wendy McConnell: A big issue around here is that since we live on the water, a lot of houses are built up, so we have a lot of stairs. Some people build elevators. We don't have that, but we do have six or seven steps we have to go up every day.

Eric Blake: Right. And when we get into considerations for staying in your home, I'm going to share a client story that faced some of those same challenges. The last thing I want people to think about is community and engagement. Who are you going to spend time with? Who are you going to have lunch with? Who are you going to play pickleball with?

Wendy McConnell: Well, that's all set. You know that.

Eric Blake: Retirement is not just about where you live. It's about how you're living. We talked in a previous episode about the idea that you'll have roughly 1,000 hours each year that are yours to spend however you choose. When you start thinking about how you're going to spend that time, who you'll spend it with, and what activities matter to you, your location plays a much bigger role than many people initially realize.

I'm not spending a lot of time today on downsizing specifically because we covered that in a previous episode. This episode is really about the bigger picture and all the considerations that go into deciding where to live in retirement.

If you want to stay where you are, that's okay. But you want to be intentional about it. Ask yourself, can this home work for me long term? If not, what changes might be needed to make it safer and easier to live in as you age?

Wendy McConnell: What do you mean? Because you're not in the right capacity to make the decision?

Eric Blake: Right. If you're able to make decisions today, does it make sense to start looking at changes now versus putting them off until someone else has to make decisions for you later? That's the part that unfortunately is often unknown.

We have a client in her 80s who lives with her daughter. For her, moving wasn't a simple decision because of the emotions and practical realities involved. But all the key living areas, the bedroom and bathrooms, were upstairs while the main living space was downstairs. For years that worked fine. Then she experienced a fall.

Wendy McConnell: Ah.

Eric Blake: Suddenly, something as simple as going upstairs became difficult and risky. On top of that, the bathroom had a traditional step-in tub and shower that became hard to navigate. It went from being a future planning conversation to an immediate problem that had to be solved.

We connected her with resources to evaluate modifications to the home, but the bigger lesson is that these are easy things to overlook early in retirement. If you want to stay in your home, you need to think about what might happen later and what you can do proactively today.

Even in my grandmother's case, years ago we converted a guest bathroom from a step-in tub to a walk-in shower. At the time it was more of a convenience. Now, at age 91, she needs assistance with bathing, and that change has made a tremendous difference in her ability to remain in her home.

Wendy McConnell: Now, when it comes to stairs inside the house, they have those chair lifts. And if you don't have too many stairs outside, you can do ramps. Just keep those things and the costs in mind.

Eric Blake: Exactly. Retirement planning is often about the fun things, travel, hobbies, and activities. But retirement also means aging. What can I do to make my life easier? If I know I'm not going to want to maintain a large property forever, what does that transition eventually look like?

We have clients with larger properties who already know there will come a day when they don't want to mow the grass or maintain the land. The question becomes what that next phase looks like. Where will they go? Will they stay near family? Will they stay near the activities they enjoy? We have to look at those decisions from financial, emotional, and practical lifestyle perspectives.

Wendy McConnell: It's a lot of pieces.

Eric Blake: It is a lot of pieces. When you're asking where should I live in retirement, the financial side has to be part of the answer, but it shouldn't be the whole answer.

Many people consider moving because they want to free up equity. A lot of people have significant amounts of equity in their homes, and that becomes part of the conversation. But every decision comes with costs. There are moving costs, housing costs, and ongoing expenses.

Sometimes it's not even about downsizing. Maybe you simply want to live somewhere else. Maybe you want to be closer to grandchildren or closer to the airport because you plan to travel extensively.

Wendy McConnell: That's something I never would have thought of.

Eric Blake: Exactly. It's about being thoughtful and intentional. We also have to think about whether to use home equity to pay cash for a new home. If you've been in your home a long time, you may have a low mortgage rate. What happens if you take out a new mortgage at today's rates?

Wendy McConnell: Yeah, double or even more.

Eric Blake: Right. Those decisions affect retirement income planning, cash flow needs, and ongoing expenses. Even if a house is paid off, you'll still have property taxes, insurance, maintenance, and upkeep. It all comes back to understanding your financial resources and making sure all the pieces fit together.

More people are entering retirement with mortgages, especially those with low rates. The question becomes, do I keep it or pay it off? There's no single right answer. The key is understanding the trade-offs and making sure the decision supports your overall retirement plan.

Wendy McConnell: Another reason is that a lot of people have to wait until they're older and more established before they can buy a home.

Eric Blake: Geography plays a big role too. The costs of buying and owning a home vary dramatically from place to place. A lot of people think they'll move because there is no state income tax somewhere, then they get their first property tax bill and are shocked. That's why you have to evaluate everything, not just one factor.

As we wrap up, where you live in retirement is not just a single decision. It should be a process. Look at where you feel connected, how easily you can live your daily life, access to care and support, whether your home can adapt to your changing needs, and how prepared you are for those changes.

Part of that process is recognizing that where you live today may not be where you live forever. The better answer to where should I live in retirement is that it depends on what you want your life to look like and how prepared you are for how that life may change.

Wendy McConnell: Mm-hmm.

Eric Blake: If this is something you're actively thinking about, I encourage you to listen to some earlier episodes where we dive deeper into housing options, downsizing versus renting, solo aging with Carol Marak, and navigating senior living decisions with Joyce Logan. We'll include links in the show notes.

Wendy McConnell: Let me ask you a question. Do you know what a snowbird is?

Eric Blake: I've heard of it. Living in one area part of the year and somewhere else the rest of the year.

Wendy McConnell: That's huge where I live. People spend part of the year here and then head to Florida or Arizona for the winter.

Eric Blake: We actually have a client who does exactly that. They live in Michigan most of the year, then travel to Florida in their RV. They've built friendships in both places and love that lifestyle. Again, it's about being intentional about how you want to spend your time and who you want to spend it with.

Wendy McConnell: I think I'll hang out with my husband. Pretty sure.

Eric Blake: You think you want to spend time with him?

Wendy McConnell: I think so. Maybe. Let's get him a hobby that gets him out of the house a little bit.

Eric Blake: Don and I just started watching Shrinking. There's a storyline where the neighbor's husband is about to retire, and she tells him he needs to find something to do because she needs her space. He tells her that he's been working for 30 years and she's the one who needs to find something.

Wendy McConnell: So you're saying that's what my husband is going to say to me.

Eric Blake: Maybe. I don't know. I don't want to put words in his mouth.

Wendy McConnell: Oh, I'm bringing you into it.

Eric Blake: Don't bring me into it.

Well, as always, thank you for tuning in. Thank you, Wendy, for joining me once again. If you're trying to decide where you want to live in retirement and understand how that decision fits into your overall retirement plan, visit getmysimplyretirementroadmap.com to schedule a call with our team.

That's it for today's episode. For all the links and resources mentioned today, visit thesimplyretirementpodcast.com. Don't forget to like, follow, and share the show. And until next time, please remember, retirement is not the end of the road. It's the start of a new journey.