TRANSCRIPT

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#39 - Empowering Women through New Beginnings with Shalonda Waggoner

Eric Blake: Welcome to another episode of the Simply Retirement Podcast, where we simply focus on sharing retirement tools, resources, and education specifically for women so that you can simply live the retirement that you deserve. I'm your host, Eric Blake. On today's episode, we have a very special guest. We also have a very big announcement at the end of the show, so please stay with us. Before we get to that though, I do want to before we get to our guest, as of the release of this episode mid-January, our first grandbaby is going to be celebrating her first birthday. So just want to wish a very happy birthday to our granddaughter, Sloan Grandpa, Papa, whatever it is you decide to call me when it's all said and done. Love you very much. Today, our very special guest is going to be Shalanda Wagner. Shalanda is the founder and president of Ladder House Decor, located in the metropolitan area of Dallas, Texas. Ladder House Decor is a design ministry that offers no cost interior decorating services to women and families that have been relocated due to domestic violence. Not only is Shalonda joining us today, but again, we have a very special announcement at the end. So again, please hang with us till the end. For all the links and resources and that big announcement, please go to www.theslimretirementpodcast.com. Shalonda Wagner, welcome to the Simply Retirement Podcast.

Shalonda Waggoner: Thank you, Eric. I'm so excited to be here, and this is just a phenomenal opportunity for women to embrace each other, for women to encourage each other as we move forward in the great things that we're doing in our communities. Thank you so much.

Eric Blake: Absolutely. I'm so excited to have you. I've been looking forward to this for several weeks. We got a chance to get to know each other a little bit. You had your bowling event not too long ago, which was amazing. We had our family there. We had a great deal of fun. I know you guys had a lot of success with raising some money, so it was a great event. But I really want you to just start from the very beginning, sharing the story behind Ladder House Decor and really the journey that led you to where you are today.

Shalonda Waggoner: Sure. Thank you so much for the opportunity. So domestic violence is definitely a subject that doesn't really come up in many different rooms. You don't really have an opportunity to share your story about the shameful things and the harmful things that have been done to you. And when I was sitting in women's counseling after I had fled from my abuser, my daughter and I, we were going to visit a women's shelter, but just the counseling side, we didn't have to enter into a shelter. But if that was an option for us at that time, we know that we would've been safe there as well. But we were able to go to my mom's house and stay there for a little bit of time. But as I was sitting in women's counseling, I just began to hear stories from these women that we all had different issues behind domestic violence.

So some were physical, some were mental, some were financial. But the one thing that we all had in common was that we could not take anything with us when we were fleeing or when we were wanting to go back and pick up things to make sure that our new beginning started off well. And so with that, I was like, wow, this is a common thing for us all. Why are we not able to restart our lives with at least a mattress with at least a couch, a dining table, towels, something that makes our new home a home, makes our new house a home? How come we can't do any of that? First of all, we're afraid because we know that our abuser, if we go back, that would trigger something for him and then that would make it awful for us, and we have to be there and available for our children.

And so once again, that psychological thing, even though it may not have been a physical abuse for the woman at the time, that psychological trauma continues to stay in her head. And so with that, I said, God, what is it that I can do to be a change agent for these women? How can I be their voice? How can I be their representative, their ambassador, to make sure that they get restarted quicker than they would have imagined? Because sometimes it takes two to three cycles of starting over to actually start over. And a lot of people don't really understand that it probably takes them two to three times because at one point they may have been living in their cars, even though they're free, they know it'll have anywhere to go. They may have lost the contact with their family, they can't lost friends and things like that during the cycle of the abuse because a lot of people sometimes give up on you because of the repetitiveness of having to say that you're going to leave and you're not going to leave.

And so what happens to that survivor woman and family once she does actually make that final decision to leave? And sometimes that takes seven to eight times for that final decision to be made. And so began. So on my journey to wholeness, I was invited to come and help put stickers on garage stickers for a garage sale that my local church was having at the time. And at the end of that week, they were saying, Hey, Shalanda, we are not going to use these items that were in the garage sale. Would you like to take these home? And these were actually decorative items that they gave me pictures, little things that I can sit around my home to make it beautiful and as I restart my life again. And so I literally felt that the Holy Spirit was saying to me, you know what? This is what you're going to do for other women when they transition from shelter life, you are going to decorate their homes for absolutely no cost, and you're going to make them feel whole again. You're going to make them feel beautiful and welcome and warm again to know that they feel as if someone actually cares after being traumatized. So that's pretty much how Ladder House tip goes for

Eric Blake: That is amazing. There's always going to be challenges when you start, especially you start an endeavor like this. What were some of the biggest challenges you faced and how did you overcome those?

Shalonda Waggoner: Some of the biggest challenges that I faced was people believing in me to decorate a stranger's home. What kind of sense does that make? But when they learned that it was because of a certain cause, a demographic of people, they were like, yeah, I kind of do understand that if someone is fleeing from abuse, they have limited income, they have nowhere basically to go other than the shelter and sometimes a hotel for a week or two, maybe their cars. I actually do kind of understand that this is something that's needed to where a woman with her children, where do they go after they are experiencing abuse other than the shelter? So when the shelter gets their home set up for them, it was actually the actual rental apartment home. So what do they do then? And so a lot of people were like, eh, I don't really understand this. But after I kind explained what I was doing and they kind of caught the vision, and of course finances was another one, I literally walked in like, Hey, it's me. I just want to just decorate the homes of survivors of domestic violence. They were like, okay, where are the people? Where's the truckload of furniture? Where's the money coming from? And I'm like, I don't know. I just want to do it.

Eric Blake: So let me ask you this. Do you remember, or do you remember the first, what was the first situation, the first woman that you were able to help? Could you share that story possibly?

Shalonda Waggoner: Yes. So the very first survivor client that we had was back in June of 2015. That's pretty much the inception year of Latter House Decor. I went to Denton County Friends of the Family, and I told them what I wanted to do. And because I am a survivor, I know what it's like when a woman, a woman leaves a shelter and she pretty much doesn't know where to restart with furnishings. So they thought that it was a great idea. They literally caught on and they were like, wow, this is wonderful. So you kind of think about, you think that you would have a whole team, you think you would have some big corporation behind you, but no, it was just me with my dream in the hopes that someone would believe me. So they did have a client for me, and she had two children, and she actually kind of had a newborn almost.

I think the baby was like no more than three months. So we wanted to make sure that her new life free from abuse started off very well. So within about two weeks, we were able to get to her apartment in the Denton area and create a beautiful space for her. We provided a couch, a dining table, a new bed with a mattress, and also a baby bed to make sure that the little one had their own space too. So it seemed like a big challenge, but when all of my friends and everyone rallied around us, I could not believe what we had accomplished with that one, our first installation,

Eric Blake: Did she know about it or was this a surprise when she found out that you were doing this for her?

Shalonda Waggoner: She actually knew about it, but she didn't know the extent that we would go. And women still today, they don't know the extent of what we offer. And when they come back for the big reveal, it floors them. Some have fallen to the floor because they're so amazed.

Eric Blake: I've seen some of those videos too. So I've seen some of those videos through social media that you've shared that your team has shared, and they will bring tears to your highs. I'll say you that.

Shalonda Waggoner: Absolutely.

Eric Blake: It is amazing. Now, one of the things, you had shared this in the preparation notes and you actually referred to it at the very beginning, but you talked about the fact that sometimes it can take seven to nine attempts for a victim to officially finally leave permanently. What do you feel are the primary contributing factors to that? What does it typically look like when someone's actually able to make that final break?

Shalonda Waggoner: It is totally the fear factor, the fear of the unknown. First of all, if she can flee, if she does get away unharmed, that's one of the first factors. Then the second factor, I believe that fear of how can I do this on my own? He was taking care of the better part of the home. He purchased this, he purchased that. We were able to get the things that we needed, but now with my limited income, how can I do the same thing? So those are definitely the two biggest factors that they face. And also I feel that a third factor is shame, because most people don't know that she's going through that. She's only told about maybe three people, three or four people know, and maybe some family members know because sometimes family kind of pass things on and say, Hey, this is what she's going through, but don't really share it with her because they just don't want to bring up hurtful feelings. But yeah, she's only shared there with maybe two or three people. And so to let everyone know letting the entire world or her community of family and friends know was very hurtful and painful.

Eric Blake: I want to definitely talk about how people get in touch with you as we get closer to the end of the episode, but what is that first step? So when they've kind of made that decision of, Hey, I'm ready. This is it. I've got to make a change. What is that first step that they should take?

Shalonda Waggoner: I would encourage them to contact the hotline, the domestic violence hotline.

I feel that that's very important because it allows them to, first of all, be able to speak to someone who knows the process speaking to the hotline. The domestic violence hotline is very important because when they have no one to really reach out to and talk to, that one person over the phone could be that comforting voice because she probably only thing she hears is shouts and screams and accusations and why you're doing this and why you're doing that when she's actually not doing that, but she's being controlled and told that she is doing a certain thing. So reaching out to the hotline first, asking for corners of where should I go? How should I start the process? Should I go to a shelter? Should I go to my family's house? Should I go to a friend's house? Or if I had the money, do I go to a hotel just for a week or two just so I can get my mind clear away from this cloud of being in that domestic violence environment?

And then once she finds that out from the hotline, most of the time the women say, Hey, I'm done here. I'm going to get out of this situation. And they go straight to a shelter, which is very, very key because that's how we vet our clients. We ask them, we want to make sure that they are getting the counseling, getting the help that they need so that they can begin to mentally begin to rebuild their lives. First they got to mentally think about it before they actually get into that environment, and those counseling sections with their case manager helps them in the process.

Eric Blake: So just in case our audience may not be aware, when you're talking about the domestic violence hotline, is that a national hotline? Is that a local hotline? Are there local phone numbers that people would be able to reach out to? Because one of the things I want to make sure we do is share some of these resources in the episode summary, whether it's people that may be needing help or people that may know, of course, unfortunately, we probably all know somebody that's been touched by this, but when it comes to resources, just like anything, it's where do I get the resources? Where do I find the right resources? So is that domestic violence hotline, should that be a local number? Is that a national number? Who would they be calling in that situation?

Shalonda Waggoner: Yes, that domestic violence hotline is a national number and it is a 800 number, and they can look it up on Google for sure and make sure that they keep that somewhere where, because if in case he checks her phone, sometimes they have a capability of doing that and tracking the things that she does. She can either write it down and maybe keep it in her purse if she didn't want to put it in her phone or just keep it somewhere mentally, she could just even mentally remember that phone number. Or if she's out somewhere, maybe she can just Google it while she's away from that environment is very, very helpful. So yes, it is a very easy one 800 number to dial.

Eric Blake: Now, the other thing I would assume that as a woman is looking for their options and trying to figure out where they go. Actually, a lot of that's probably going to be dependent on the resources that they have available. I know you talked about potentially limited income, maybe the husband has been the breadwinner for several years. What typically for the women that you're able to help the families you're able to help, what resources do you typically see that that survivor has or what are the things that are relevant to their needs?

Shalonda Waggoner: Most of the time it is financial needs because they need to make sure that they pay their rent or in groceries and things like that, and utilities. Those are one of the main needs that they have. Also, counseling, even though they've been counseled in the shelter, getting someone else, making sure that they speak to someone else in that profession so that they can get someone to just listen to them and guide them through the process of their healing is very, very important as well. The resources that we offer to them is even certifications, even getting a job because some of them don't have jobs while they're in the shelter or they may lose their job because their abuser have just been doing so many crazy things that they may have lost their job and they're looking for positions. Now. We even work with people who can help them with certifications.

Google certifications actually. So those are the resources that we've been offering to them. Even gets down to car mechanics. We even have resources for women whose cars need brakes or a battery or something like that. We have those resources available for them as well. So we go down the line. It's literally bringing the whole woman back because she has to figure things out on her own for just a little while longer. She'd make it remarried, but then may take a little time. So she has to have that mechanic on the side. She has to have that dentist, she has to have that doctor. She has to have those certifications that even though she may not have went to a four year college, she may not want to go back, but if she can get a certain certification in cybersecurity or something like that, then that will help her move forward and get paid a nice income so she can take care of her family.

Eric Blake: The one thing that it all comes down to is having a home, right?

Shalonda Waggoner: Yes.

Eric Blake: Can you talk about that? Can you talk about the importance of the home environment, the home dwelling and just the dignity, how dignity plays a role in all of this?

Shalonda Waggoner: I equate it to that's where everything starts. Everything starts at the home basically. When you come home from the hospital, the home is where you go. The home is where love's supposed to be. The home is where you eat. You have family gatherings. The home is where your friends come over and play and have sleepovers, and those are the things that are so important for the mental capacity of the woman when she's trying to overcome that traumatic time in that domestic violence situation. The home, creating a space and creating beautiful rooms that allows her to dwell with dignity is so important because she's had to think about so much as she transitioned. She has to think about, why would I leave him when he took care of everything? Why would I leave this situation when I have a comfortable bed to sleep in and I have curtains up, I have a dining table.

So all of those factors play into this restart, trying to figure it all out, and they try to do it on their own so they become isolated. They don't reach out. They don't try to get assistance from anyone. They don't want anyone to know the pain. That may not be physical where you can see it on their face or their bodies, but it's internal. It's inside them. And so they shelter in place. They don't move. They feel like they can't go on because they've actually been brainwashed. They've been brainwashed by their abuser to say, Hey, you can't do this on your own. Why would you think that? You could even think about leaving me even if that conversation came up.

Eric Blake: So one of the things I wanted to ask, and we're going to share some of the resources and your links and all that good stuff here in just a bit, but for anybody who is interested in supporting you and Ladder House decor, what are some of the biggest needs for the organization right now?

Shalonda Waggoner: Oh, I'm so thankful that you brought that up because our biggest need at this moment is a warehouse. We would love to have warehouse space where if you think about a interior decorator who has warehouse space for when she space plans a home for like, say for instance, a new home is about to come on the market, they go in and put in the furniture and they'll have that available. So when the realtor calls that design company, they'll say, Hey, we need to go have this mock home look beautiful for our future homeowners. And so that's what we need. We want to have that warehouse available where we have shelves where we could put mattresses up, we could put couches in there. We can put tables, all the home decor that you can think of from wall art to VAEs to rugs, curtains, curtain rods.

That's our most immediate need. And then we can also work in that area as well. That's very important to us too, where we can all gather together, our volunteers and our lead interior decorators can come in and begin the planning process. Everything is about planning. In this situation. If you kind of think about Chipper Joanna Gaines and Fixer Upper, that's kind of like how we are. We literally want to make sure that we have that warehouse space available so we can go in. We act quirky and fun, kind of like Chip Gaines does. He is so hilarious, and I know Joan had a game. She's just like, oh, chip. She does things like that. But yeah, we have fun. We love to decorate, and we just want to make sure that those items that are donated to us actually don't let go because that's what we've had to do. We've had to let go of so many beautiful home decor furnishing items because we just didn't have the space.

Eric Blake: So did you actually have, in your past, did you have interior decorating experience or was it just, Hey, I just want to do this and help people?

Shalonda Waggoner: Yeah. It's so funny you asked that because family members would come over to my apartment back in the day, 15, 20 years ago and say, Hey, have you ever thought about doing this for first minute? I'm like, no. Why would I do that? I just love to put things together. And then when I went through what I went through as a domestic violence survivor, I was like, oh, this is what I was supposed to be doing all along. So it's just one of those things. No certifications and anything, but yeah, just love to decorate.

Eric Blake: That's awesome. Well, I definitely, again, wanted to make sure we share with the audience how to get in touch with you, how to get in touch with Ladder House decor. But again, we have our big announcement, so you ready? So on March 7th, Blake Wealth Management is going to be hosting our fourth annual International Women's Day event, and we are so grateful. We're actually going to have Shalanda be our guest speaker for this event, for those that may not be aware, and especially those who are aware and make sure that we don't get in trouble with anybody. International Women's Day is always March 8th of every year, however, because March 8th happens to fall on a Saturday in 2025. We're going to be holding this event on the Friday before, but we are so excited to have you join us, Shalanda.

Shalonda Waggoner: Wow. I am so honored to be chosen as a speaker for this event this year. I just cannot wait. It is going to be so amazing that we get to actually share our journey, share what can happen when a survivor transitions from homelessness to Wholeness, actually. Because when she leaves that environment, where does she go? What does she do, and how does she dwell with dignity as she looks toward a beautiful future?

Eric Blake: Absolutely. And we are so excited to have you. So this is kind of a little bit of a snack bite of what to expect at the actual event. If you're in the DFW or surrounding areas and you would be interested in attending this year's event, you can go to www.blakewealthmanagement.com/iwd 2025. That's where you can register for the event and even see pictures from last year's event. So for those that may want to support you and your mission, how do people get in touch with you? How do people get in touch with Ladder House Decor? How can they connect with you?

Shalonda Waggoner: Yes, definitely on all of our social platforms. So our social media platforms are basically Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and so what you would do is you would type in Latter House, L-A-T-T-E-R-H-O-U-S-E, decor, D-E-C-O-R, and we should definitely pop up and we're on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and also you can visit our website, and that is ladder house decor.org. Definitely visit our website. You can go to our contact page, you can leave us a message there, and if you wanted to make a donation, we have a donation portal there. Every dollar counts, nothing is too small. We get down to silverware. We understand that silverware is even important. I mean, even purchasing a trash can. I mean, so don't think that anything is too small to donate or anything like that, because we appreciate every dollar that comes in.

Eric Blake: Absolutely. Well, again, we are so excited. I'm excited to have you on the podcast today. I'm excited to have you at our event on March 7th and before anyone has to ask, this is not a financial presentation at this event. There's no sales pitch. This is a celebration of the women in our lives, hopefully making an impact on someone's life. In the process, we'll have many women-owned businesses, women-focused businesses, sponsoring some tables for the event, raffling a number of charitable contributions in the name of our guests to women-focused organizations so much more. So again, go to www.blakewealthmanagement.com/iwd 2025 to learn more. Shalanda, thank you so much for joining today. Thank you for participating in our upcoming International Women's Day event. If you're looking for support or if you'd like to support this amazing organization, please reach out to Shalanda Wagner and Ladder House Decor. Again, we're going to share all this information in the episode summary as well as the link to our event. As always, please like follow and share the show. We'll see you again on the next episode of the Simply Retirement Podcast.

In the meantime, please remember that retirement is not the end of the road. It is the start of a new journey.

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