TRANSCRIPT
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#41 - Making Divorce Manageable: Financial and Emotional Insights with Neil Palache
Eric Blake: Divorce is never easy, especially as you get into your retirement years and beyond. However, our guest today has taken on the challenge of helping make divorce just a little bit easier. Welcome to the Simply Retirement Podcast. I'm your host, Eric Blake. If you have gone through a divorce, going through a divorce, or maybe even just thinking about divorce, you're going to want to tune into today's episode. For all the links and resources for the episode, you can go to www.thesimplyretirementpodcast.com. Our guest today is Neil Palache. Neil is the founder of the Divorce Transition Professionals, a group of professionals who are dedicated to helping divorcing couples and divorced individuals. Well, all their divorce related needs, which is how I got to know Neil, and he's also the owner and founder of the Wealth Creator Company for Women. So Neil, welcome to the Simply Retirement Podcast. How are you?
Neil Palache: I'm good, thank you, Eric. Pleasure to be here. Thank you for having me on.
Eric Blake: Absolutely. I appreciate you joining me. I'm really looking forward to this. It's been such a rewarding experience being part of the Divorce Transition Professionals and just getting to know you a little bit. But if you wouldn't mind just start with sharing a little bit about your background, how you got to where you are today.
Neil Palache: Well, alright, if you want me to completely bore your audience, I suppose I could do that for a couple of minutes. So I started out in the insurance and financial advisory world and worked in that space for 25 years, and then 15 years ago decided that I was going to take a slight detour into the consulting and coaching world. So I actually relinquished my securities and registered advisory licenses and became a consultant coach in the divorce space specifically. So today and for the last 15 years, I have been working with a female clientele exclusively on pre-end and post-divorce financial issues, and of course working closely with all sorts of other professionals in the mortgage business, financial planning, legal, accounting, private investigation, all of those folks that are possibly and often very much so involved in the divorce process. So that's where I stand today. And then in 2007 I started, excuse me, 2017 I started the Divorce Transition Professionals and we had one chapter in Westlake Village where I am in Southern California. We now have 28 chapters in six states and going strong and helping people, as you said, making divorce just a little bit easier.
Eric Blake: Excellent. Well, I know that when you think about what I do with the financial planning world and financial advisors, there is some confusion a lot of times around what the difference is between a financial advisor, financial planner or somebody who does like yourself, who is more of a coach, a consultant. So if you just share what you feel like the difference is between those different professionals and who can benefit from which,
Neil Palache: Yeah, the beauty of what I now do is that I work and can work with financial advisors. I'm in no way a conflict or competition with them. I work with a number of them, and the primary difference is the actual specific work that we do and the licensing and so forth that I'm completely unlicensed to be quite frank. Coaching and consulting does not require a license I don't think in any state, but it doesn't in California. So as a financial advisor, you've got your securities licenses and your insurance license, and you might be a registered investment advisor and so forth, and you are actually handling the money. You are investing money for people, you are managing the money for people, you are educating them about and helping them to get insurances if necessary on the life side, health side, long-term care and so on and so forth.
I'm not involved in those transactions at all. It wouldn't be legal for me to do, so I'm not licensed in those areas. And so what I'm doing is primarily, number one, educating in any and all areas of finance, and secondly, helping my clients to get those things implemented through a coaching process and then working closely with their other advisors because I find that whether you are in real estate, financial advising, legal accounting, whatever it may be, there's a certain amount of coaching. I mean, of course we're all coaching our clients to a degree, but it's not a coaching model in that, okay, we're going to have a meeting every Wednesday at three o'clock for an hour and we are going to do this, that, and that. It's more like, okay, we need to speak today and then maybe again tomorrow and maybe again in three days.
So as a financial advisor, there's lots of communication in certain parts of the process, in other parts of the process maybe there isn't any for a month or two, and then you do your quarterly and annual reviews and so on and so forth. And then I'm not around permanently. That's one of the biggest difference is that the financial advisor has a lifetime, once a lifetime relationship with that client, and so does the client. My relationship with them is not lifetime, it's six months, it's a year, it's 18 months. Again, it's just not an ongoing relationship. Typically, I have a few clients that I coach because of the business side of the issues that they're now working on because, but typically I'm working for them on a limited basis.
Eric Blake: Well, I think that's one of the things that's interesting is there's a lot of, unfortunately there's a lot of confusion in general about what financial advisors do and what financial planners do much less than you throw in the A coach or somebody like yourself. But I think that the biggest takeaway is that these are all people that you can have on your team that it doesn't have to be either or it can be an and I'm working with a coach and a financial advisor. A financial planner, exactly. And in many cases, I would say, especially if you're going through such as an emotional event like a divorce, you probably want to have these people on your team just because the emotional aspects are there already, but then you throw in the financial aspects and makes it that much more challenging. And I would think from what you've talked about, being able to go in and really dive deep into those decisions around what happens during divorce, what am I going to do after my divorce going through the divorce, that you can really be a really valuable resource.
Neil Palache: Yeah, thank you. I think that one of the things that I find I do a lot of work in is the pre-divorce work. So somebody comes to me, they get referred to me, and they haven't even filed yet. They haven't necessarily even spoken to a lawyer yet. The number one, there's two primary concerns that occur in a divorce, and I find this more so with women than with men, but not that they're insignificant, the mail either, and that is the finances and if there's kids custody, those are the primary things. And the finances include where am I going to live and what is my income going to be, and so on and so forth. And this is true whether you've got a non-income earning spouse or you have somebody that's making a half a million dollars a year, they're still concerned about those two primary issues.
And so when they come to me prior to divorce, the discussion is essentially, what is this going to look like? They sit down with a lawyer and lawyers are great at what they do, but they're not necessarily great at finances, even though they can explain it. They've got the dis o master and so on and so forth. But I find my clients often they'll come away, they'll tell me, I just had a one hour meeting, initial consultation with a lawyer, and boy, was it confusing? I'm not quite sure what, and it was well explained, I'm sure. But nevertheless, they come away not really fully understanding what the process is going to be and what their financial situation might end up being. We talk a lot about that if they hire us prior to filing and then help them to get it filed with their lawyer or mediator or whomever it's that they use for that.
Eric Blake: You talked a little bit about how long an engagement would be. If somebody comes to you, they're just thinking about divorce, what does that engagement look like? Where would the process do you step in? How long would it last from there? Do you guide 'em all the way through the divorce process or is it, Hey, here's some of the first steps you're going to take and then you transition 'em from there? In general, what's the typical engagement look like?
Neil Palache: Well, so the initial engagement is three months.
That's where we begin, and I charge a flat fee for that three months, and it's the same for everyone. I don't assess it based on their situation, their net worth, their income, whatever. Everybody gets a flat fee. It's 2250 currently, that's the fee for the first three months. And if they hire me again, it'll be the same fee the second three months. So at the end of the three months, we'll look at the situation and say, am I needed? Well, maybe not. I mean, in some cases they've hired a lawyer, they've got a financial advisor, they've got a mortgage broker, they've got a real estate agent, maybe they've even got a life coach or a therapist involved. I may not be needed. So it just depends. We look at it together and make a decision as to whether or not I'm needed. I think that when I do get hired on an ongoing basis, when they do hire me that second quarter or that third quarter, it's because they've gotten used to having me as an advocate. I don't work with the couple, I never meet the husband. I don't get involved with how they're mediating with each other than what she tells me. And so I'm completely advocating for her. And in some cases, I am on the phone with her other advisors chatting or we do three way calls and that kind of thing. So it just depends. But I'd say about 70% of the time I'm involved for two or three quarter, and then hopefully they've gotten fair amount down the road and they don't need me and maybe I pick up again.
Eric Blake: Well, I think that's one of the things that I would love for audience to take from what you just said, and that's the word advocate. We've had, in our case on the podcast, we've had a healthcare advocate where they're just trying to help you navigate the healthcare system. And I honestly, I probably never even thought about this and I probably should have, but somebody like yourself who can serve as that advocate for women going through that divorce process, because there is, again, there's a lot of moving parts and just trying to understand everything and try to make the right decisions. Sure. You've heard the horror stories just like I have is, well, I got divorced and the attorney didn't do what they were supposed to do or this or that. There's all kinds of different things that happen and you get on the other side of the divorce and you're just in a devastated, whether it's because of lack of income, lack of resources, the settlement didn't go the way you thought it would be, but having the advocate right off the bat to me seems like, again, truly valuable.
Neil Palache: We all advocate to a certain degree, and of course that's very important. That person that you just mentioned that is the health insurance advocate,
Eric Blake: Right? Yep.
Neil Palache: I mean, I'd like to know who that is.
Eric Blake: Hey, I'll introduce you.
Neil Palache: Yeah, please. Because that's a great person and that is so confusing, particularly in California. It's a mess, but I'm sure that's true in other states. So yeah, that would be a fabulous person to have on your team for sure.
Eric Blake: Absolutely. Well, I also want to hear just like we do, we have a very strong emphasis on working with women. You go to our website, it says retirement planning for women over 55. Now we do always talk about that. We do work with couples, but it is very imperative that both spouses are involved. But for you, again, you also primarily focus on working with them. And tell me a little bit about that. What led you to that decision?
Neil Palache: Yeah, that's a great question. When I was transitioning from financial advising into consulting and coaching, I hired a business coach and I sat with her for, I think she worked with me for a few months because we were just trying to get to this goal of what am I going to be when I grow up, that kind of thing. And she was terrific. And so she did the profiling and the personality stuff, and she looked at my previous client base and all that kind of stuff. And initially she said, well, you clearly work very well with women. That was her opinion. I agreed and we went from there, but women are half the population of the planet, so that isn't exactly a niche. So we kind of had to boil it down, okay, what are we going to do? Are we going to do female lawyers?
Are we going to work with female? Are we going to work with female stay at home moms? What's the niche going to be? And so at one point we talked about divorced and widowed and we're like, well, yeah, that's definitely an area where help is without question needed. And so ultimately that's the direction we went. And I still work with a few widows, and in the past I've worked with more than I do today, but right now I'm 99% in the divorce world and working with females, I only work with females. And that's how I got there. And I stayed there and it's been terrific, and I really get a lot of enjoyment, not about this situation obviously, but just in seeing them progress and being part of that solution and helping them through the process. And then along the way, I get to work with other great professionals. And so the whole thing is just really great, really enjoy it.
Eric Blake: Excellent. I have a couple other questions I want to get to specifically around divorce, but as far as back to the divorce transition professionals, what led you to start the organization? I mean, it's a networking group. I'll let you share more of the specifics about how our audience might be able to utilize your benefit from the group, but just a little bit more about the divorce transition professionals and how people, that's one of the biggest challenges we know is when you go through an emotional situation like this, again, it's back to having the right people on your team, but that team could be pretty big ultimately when you look at it from attorneys to financial planners to coaches to all these different resources. Tell me a little bit about what led you to start that group.
Neil Palache: So in 2009 when I made the transition, I essentially decided that I needed to at least surround myself with a handful of people that were in the divorce world, the obvious ones, like a divorce lawyer and a forensic accountant, a therapist who worked in that space, private investigation, so forth. So I put my feelers out. I knew some people in that business and decided I would start a study group, Hey, would you be interested? We'll just meet once a month for a coffee for 90 minutes. One of my colleagues offered her conference room. She was involved in mortgage Broker, and we just did that. And we did that for two or three years. I mean, it was really cool, but we weren't recruiting new members. It wasn't a membership organization. And so over time, the group got smaller and smaller, and then about three years into it, it went away and it was great.
And then I went a little while without having any kind of group other than some other networking groups I was involved in, and I just decided it was around 2000 16, 15, 16. I was like, boy, I really would like to put that back together, that study group. But I liked the networking aspect of it. And so I decided, all right, you know what? I'm going to have a meeting. I'm going to just put it out there, January of 2017, and I rented a room and brought in some bagels and a coffee. Of course you got to have some calories. Of course, of course. It was eight o'clock in the morning after all. And then a good friend of mine is a family lawyer. I said, Hey, will you come in and present to us? And so forth. So great. And we had this meeting and it was about an hour and a half and there were 40 people there. I think actually 36 people were there that pretty good. So I said, Hey, let's keep going. So we did that meeting every month for the year, the 2017, and then people started asking me about whether or not I was going to do this at any other place, and I kind of said, well, would you be interested in running it if we did?
Eric Blake: You didn't want to run all that, is that what you're saying?
Neil Palache: No, I don't know how to be in all those different places. So they did. Some of them did. And we started developing chapters. And then over the next seven years, here we are with 28 of them, and it's been great. I mean, I've gotten to meet several hundred fabulous professionals up and down the country and east and west and all over the place, and eventually we'll have chapters in every state, and that's the goal. Anyway. Unfortunately, people are getting divorced in every city, in every state, so they need help.
Eric Blake: I do have to say it's been an amazing experience being part of the North Dallas chapter that I'm a part of. So many great people in that group, somebody that are so passionate about helping people, women, men across the board, but just again, it's such a challenging situation in people's lives, having those resources, having people that you can trust. I think that's the biggest thing is just saying, Hey, I need an attorney. You can find an attorney. But then again, some of these other professionals think about the divorce lending professionals. That was what amazed me is people that specialize in helping people navigate mortgages. You don't think about that when you try to split the assets and you got this mortgage on a house and what do you do about the mortgage and how do you split that? It to be extremely complicated and having people that specialize in that is just amazing and it's, it's been a great experience being part of your groups.
Neil Palache: Well, I'm glad. I'm really, really glad to hear that.
Eric Blake: I always like to ask this question, and if you don't have an example, that's fine. You might even have unfortunately an example on the negative side of things. But is there just a situation, an example that pops into your head of, Hey, this is why I decided to do this, either on the coaching side or the reason you started the divorce transition professionals, but maybe just an example of, Hey, here's a client that I was able to help that I really felt like I made a difference in that person's life.
Neil Palache: Yeah. Well, I'll tell you one thing. I have not ever been through a divorce myself, but I'm a child of a divorce. So from a personal perspective, I've experienced that as a, how old was I? 20-year-old? My sister was 15, and it was not a fun time, and there were things that happened during that that were very dividing and divisive and so forth. So that's number one. Number two, with clients, there's a number of examples, but the greatest joy is when somebody's going through a process, the process of divorce, and they actually get through it in under a year. I mean, I know that sounds crazy, but to think that, well, what do you mean? Does it take longer than a year? Well, yeah, I mean, I know people that have been involved 2, 3, 4 years and they're still not done. One of the things that people don't understand all the time is that you can actually be legally divorced, but the financial side of the equation is not complete.
And so you're still dealing with all the nonsense, but you are not divorced. Oh, yeah, you can go get married again and legally and all that, but you still haven't decided what's going on with the retirement plan or a house or a property or whatever it is, even though you are actually divorced. So when there is a divorce, that goes relatively smoothly, and I feel like I've done my part and maybe I've brought in two or three of the professionals that are involved and everybody's working together, collaborating and making sure that at the end of the day, the only goal is to get this person through the divorced in the least expensive, least stressful way, and we all accomplished that, and I had something to do with it. That to me is the B'S knees, as they say.
Eric Blake: Perfect. So I want to make sure that we have time to get through so people know how to get in touch with you. So let's start, if you don't mind, let's start with the Divorce Transition professionals first. If there is a professional out there, a financial advisor, an attorney, a lending professional, whoever it might be, if they're interested in possibly finding a local group, how would they go about doing that?
Neil Palache: The easiest thing to do, and you're always welcome to contact me and I'll give you that information, but the website is the divorce transition professionals.com. In fact, you don't even have to put THE in front of it if you don't want to. So it's either the Divorce Transition Professionals or just divorce transition professionals.com. And when you go there, it's an open website. In other words, you don't have to log in, you don't have to be a member. You can look around, look at the chapters, we've got various places, look who's in the chapters. Maybe you know somebody in the chapter if there's one locally to you, and if there isn't one locally to you, then chat with me and maybe we'll start one. We'll put another one. So wherever you are, yeah, for sure. That's how the new chapters get started very often, and I always answer my own phone, so if you want to call or text me directly, you can do that at 6 0 6 7 3 2 7, and if I don't pick up the phone, I'll get back to you quickly.
Eric Blake: And if somebody's looking at, they're thinking about divorce, obviously they can go to that site as well. What information can they find on that site?
Neil Palache: So that site is primarily, well, they can find people to help them. So they're in Dallas and they say, Hey, I need a family law. I need a good financial planner advisor. You can go to the Dallas website portion of our website and see all the members that are there, and there's therapists and there's family lawyers, there's state lawyers and mortgage and real estate and financial, all sorts of different people. So if you need somebody in your local area that can help you with what you're going through, you can certainly find them there and their email, phone number, and how best to contact them and so forth. If you want to read more about the services I provide on a coaching and consulting side, then go to the Wealth creator company.com. That's my coaching and consulting website, and there you can read more about the types of things that we do for you directly if that kind of help, but either way, they're connected, the two sites are connected, so you can toggle back and forth and find what you need or contact me and I'll help you find what you need.
Eric Blake: Perfect. Well, I was going to ask you just real quickly on that as well, because I actually, in preparation for our conversation today, I went on the website and just kind of playing around. You've got a number of different resources as well, some videos, some webinars and different things like that as well. What are some of the other resources that people might find on your website?
Neil Palache: One of the things that I like the most, if you subscribe to our bulletin, you will start to get a 26 week weekly email coaching system. Each week you will be asked questions and you will be given teaching moments, and you will be given projects to do a little bit of homework and so forth, or there'll be a good website for you to visit that we recommend, that kind of thing. I'd say that that is quite a valuable resource for you that can help you with some of your financial issues and maybe move you along in the process of improving your financial wellbeing.
Eric Blake: Absolutely. That sounds like an amazing resource, and we'll definitely make sure we share all of these resources and links in the show notes for the episode. Neil, thank you so much for joining me today. If you're looking for coaching, you're looking for resources to help you deal with divorce or widowhood, please feel free to reach out to Neil. If you're looking for a team of professionals that can help make divorce just a little bit easier, please take a look at the Divorce Transition Professional website. If you're here in the North Dallas area or honestly really anywhere that you may be listening and you need an introduction to a professional with experience with divorce, you can also reach out to our office. Our website is www.blakewealthmanagement.com. Again, for all the links and resources for this episode, you can visit www.thesimplyretirementpodcast.com. As always, please like follow and share the show. We will see you again on the next episode of the Simply Retirement Podcast.
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