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#70 - Planning Beyond Documents: Building Support as a Solo Senior with Kathy McNair

Eric Blake: What happens if you don't have a spouse, children, or reliable children or nearby family to help you as you age? Even with all the right legal documents, you still need one thing. Most people forget that's the right people. Welcome to another episode of the Simply Retirement Podcast, where we want to empower and educate women to live your retirement on your terms.

I'm your host, Eric Blake, practicing retirement planner with over 25 years of experience, founder of Blake Wealth Management, and I would not be the man I am today without the women in my life. Joining me today is going to be Kathy McNair, elder law attorney and founder of Solo Allies. We're going to be diving into what it really means to plan for the future as a solo senior, and why legal documents alone may not be enough without the right people in place.

For all the links and resources shared in this episode, you can visit thesimplyretirementpodcast.com. Don't forget, if you have a question, a topic idea, or even a specific retirement challenge you'd like us to cover in an upcoming episode, you can visit simplyretirementpodcast.com/askeric. Kathy, welcome to the Simply Retirement Podcast.

Kathy McNair: Thank you so much. I'm really excited to be here today. Thank you.

Eric Blake: Absolutely. I know we've had this on the calendar for a little while. I'm glad we got a chance to connect. I think this is going to be really valuable. And if you don't mind, I'd love for you to just share your story. What inspired you to dedicate your career to helping seniors, and especially solo seniors, plan well for the future?

Kathy McNair: Sure. So I've been a lawyer for over 25 years, and when I first started out as a young lawyer, judges would often appoint me on cases for people who really didn't have the plans in place they needed, or they didn't have the people they needed to help them. And they were in crisis. They were often in the hospital when I would meet them for the first time. I was appointed by the judge to be their guardian or their conservator, which means that I was in charge of helping them figure out their life, where they would live, what kind of care they would receive, and getting everything in order because they were at a spot in their life where they couldn't take care of it for themselves and they didn't have a family member who could step in and do that.

So that's really how I got started. And ever since, I've been helping people plan so that they can get ahead of that, so they don't find themselves in a crisis with a stranger by their bedside who they've never met, or a stranger going into their house and trying to figure out what they own or what their financial accounts are.

And I have a special passion for seniors who don't really have family they can count on to be there for them. I like to call them solo seniors, so that's a big part of my career. I've also done a lot of Medicaid planning, long-term care planning, estate planning, and everything that comes with that.

Eric Blake: Perfect. Well, and I would love to have your definition of what a solo senior is. That’s a term that's become a lot more popular recently over the last handful of years or so. But if you wouldn't mind, just because I think this confuses people, what exactly is an elder law attorney? Would you mind just giving a basic explanation of the difference between an estate planning attorney and an elder law attorney—where there might be some crossover, but also where an elder law attorney might be doing some different things?

Kathy McNair: Absolutely. So estate planning attorneys are really good at helping you put together estate planning documents, which would be like a will, a power of attorney, a healthcare proxy, or a trust. Elder law attorneys take that to another level where they're also really good about helping you plan for long-term care needs or navigate difficult times.

There is a lot of crossover. I consider myself an elder law attorney and an estate planning attorney, but there are definitely attorneys out there who are just estate planning attorneys. If you are worried about the high cost of long-term care, you need somebody who is an elder law attorney. Like if you're worried about losing your assets or your home if you need a nursing home, that would be an elder law attorney.

If you are dealing with any issues of a loved one who might have Alzheimer's or dementia and they can't take care of themselves, and maybe they're making really poor decisions and they didn't have the legal documents you need, you need an elder law attorney. So many elder law attorneys are estate planning attorneys, but not all estate planning attorneys are elder law attorneys.

Eric Blake: So would you consider that kind of a specialty skill, or is it more like an above-and-beyond type of service?

Kathy McNair: I would say it's a specialty. There's an organization called the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, and they're all across the country. They are attorneys who are elder law attorneys, often estate planning attorneys at the same time.

Eric Blake: Well, let’s get into the definition. I'd love to have you define what you call a “solo senior.” There may be some listeners that aren't sure exactly what that means. I like your term “solo senior” as well. Just talk about what that means and how you would define that term.

Kathy McNair: Absolutely. I think that's really anybody who is over even the age of 55 who is looking ahead and thinking, “Wait a minute, if something happens to me, I don't really know… I don't really have a close family member or somebody that I can just think of off the top of my head who's going to be able to show up for me, step in, and help me out if I need help paying my bills, taking care of things, or making healthcare decisions.”

I don't really have a go-to person. So that could be somebody who is single. That could be somebody who's married, but their spouse might be sick or have dementia or Alzheimer's. It could be somebody with kids, but for whatever reason, they just know that their kids aren’t going to be the right choice to help them.

So there are so many people who fall into that category. For solo seniors, it needs to be more than just thinking, “Okay, I'm going to draft these estate planning documents, put them in a drawer, and I'm all set.” What they really need to do is make sure they've thought carefully about the people they're putting in each role—and also staying in touch with those people so it’s not just, “Oh, I put down my friend who lives five states away, and I’m sure she'll show up if I need her.” That would be a big ask.

So the more organized, prepared, and thoughtful a solo senior can be, the more likely they are to have their wishes honored. They can go to sleep at night and feel like, “Okay, I have a plan. If, God forbid, I have some kind of healthcare crisis tomorrow, I know I have all the documents in place and all the people in place who are going to step in and support me.”

Eric Blake: I think that's a perfect lead-in to one of your core messages. And I want to make sure we get it out there because, number one, I want to steal it. One of your core messages is that “planning plus people equals peace of mind.” I know you've already talked through that a little bit, but can you expand on what you mean by that?

Kathy McNair: Yes, absolutely. It's so easy to have that sense of, “Oh, I'm all set. I did those documents five years ago, and they’re fine.” But if you don't actually think about the people and whether they're the right people to be in that role, you could find yourself in a terrible spot.

For example, I have a case where a woman appointed her friend to be her power of attorney. Then this woman became sick and really needed her friend's help. But she never told her friend that she had put her in that position. So it was a complete surprise to the friend.

When the friend had to step in and start paying bills and accessing bank accounts, she was completely overwhelmed. She was unprepared. She didn’t even know what this woman really had. She called me asking for help, basically saying, “I don't even want this job. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t know I had it.” It was like the hot potato you never even wanted, and it just got tossed in your lap.

Eric Blake: That’s a good term. I like that.

Kathy McNair: So it’s really important to be thoughtful, especially about the role of power of attorney. Maybe I should give a quick explanation of what that person does.

Eric Blake: Yes, I think that would be great. In the work we do—financial planning, specifically retirement planning—there’s a lot of confusion about what the power of attorney is. Sometimes, unfortunately, it feels like just checking boxes: “Okay, got my will done, checked that box. Got my power of attorney done, checked that one.”

But there’s so much more to it. I think it would be great to talk about some of the misunderstandings around that role, and what happens when you pick the wrong person—or if you don’t pick anybody at all.

Kathy McNair: Absolutely. The Power of Attorney is a legal document where you choose somebody to step in and help you with your financial affairs if you can’t take care of things. If you ever have a crisis and you can’t pay your bills, file your taxes, or stay on top of life’s responsibilities, this person can step in and take over.

But the process of being able to do that involves a lot. The Power of Attorney is a legal document that you sign and use to choose this person, but the actual job of being a Power of Attorney involves so much more. For example, if someone had accounts with you as a financial advisor and I was their Power of Attorney, I would first have to show you the legal document, and you’d have to acknowledge that I have the authority to act on that person’s behalf—especially today in a world full of scams.

Even dealing with the bank and getting them to recognize your authority to write checks and pay bills can be a process. You don’t just call up the bank and get access. You usually have to go to the bank with the document, meet the customer service person, show your license, and often it has to go through their legal department. It’s a job to put on somebody.

And if you’re serving as Power of Attorney for someone with multiple financial accounts or multiple pieces of real estate, the responsibilities grow. Another big part is taking care of someone’s house. Think about what it takes to manage your own home—landscaping, snow removal, paying bills, paying property taxes. If you’re serving as Power of Attorney, you have to constantly think about whether everything is safe and secure.

If they aren’t coming home for a while, sometimes you need to get vacant property insurance because homeowner’s insurance policies often have a clause that says if the house is vacant for more than a certain period of time, the policy is no longer valid. That’s a pitfall most people don’t even realize.

So you have to think carefully. If you don’t have a trusted family member or friend who could realistically take this on—and honestly, it would be a burden for most people—then you should really think about hiring a professional. Most people don’t want to be a burden. If they have the resources to hire a professional, they may be better off doing that.

Eric Blake: Can you expand on that a little bit? Because I think when people hear all the things you’re talking about, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. They think, “I’ll just put that on the back burner and deal with it later.” But if you don’t do it now, it may never get done, and then you’re in an even worse situation when the time comes.

When you talk about not having a close family member or spouse or adult child to fill that role, and you mention professional help—what does that look like? Can you walk through the process of hiring someone on a professional level to help?

Kathy McNair: It can be hard to figure out what kind of professionals will even take on this responsibility. I have a website called soloallies.com, and the whole reason I started it is because I realized there really aren’t very good resources out there for people who don’t know where to find help.

On the website, you’ll find resources. A lot of times, attorneys are willing to serve as Power of Attorney. They can be a good choice because the biggest factor is trust. In the wrong hands, a Power of Attorney is a license to steal from someone because you’re giving them a lot of authority.

In my office, I try to create systems of checks and balances and really build a team for a client, because I don’t want one person to have all the authority with no oversight. For example, you might have a friend you don’t want to burden, but that friend could still have a role—like requesting an annual accounting or reviewing reports. That way, they act as a second set of eyes.

When I serve as a fiduciary or Power of Attorney for someone, I’m always open to that. It makes me feel better too, knowing that there’s accountability. Ideally, while someone is still capable of handling things themselves, they take care of it. Then there’s often a gray area where someone is getting older, maybe with dementia, and realizes it’s too much. That’s when an existing relationship helps—you can do a slow handoff of responsibilities, train them, show them how everything works.

That’s the ideal situation. But sometimes life is unpredictable, and you don’t get a slow handoff. You just get a sudden, “I could do it yesterday, but I can’t do it anymore.”

Eric Blake: Hopefully that’s a key takeaway—that advanced planning is critical. Nobody likes to talk about it, but the farther in advance you take care of it, the better off you’ll be. Not only will you receive better care, but the individual or professional you’ve chosen to help you will also be better off.

Kathy McNair: Exactly. So the categories of professionals who could serve in these roles would be attorneys, daily money managers, and in certain states, licensed fiduciaries. For example, California, Oregon, and Arizona have fiduciary licensing programs where professionals are state-supervised. I wish that would go nationwide because having a state-licensed designation for fiduciaries would give people more confidence.

Eric Blake: Right.

Kathy McNair: Who knows, maybe we’ll see it someday.

Eric Blake: Let’s talk about the Aging Allies Club. I love this concept because it’s not just about documents—it’s about connection as well. What does that experience look like for participants?

Kathy McNair: This is an idea that’s really in the beginning stages. What I’m trying to do is identify seniors who are interested in planning but also feel like they’d like more connection in their life.

The concept is to bring together a small group of solo seniors—maybe five to ten people—and go through a series of important topics over a four-month period. There would be eight to ten topics we’d cover. A lawyer would be involved to help make sure they have their legal documents in place, and a social worker would help facilitate.

At the end, the goal is to form connections, get organized, have the documents they need, and hopefully build a sense of community. My ideal situation would be to have these groups all over, and then maybe have regional events where they could all come together.

I think loneliness is a major issue for many people, and they don’t always know how to connect with others. There are people who are perfectly happy being alone, and that’s fine. Not everyone has to be part of a group. But for those who are interested in forming connections, I want to gauge interest and see where it could go.

Eric Blake: I think there definitely would be interest. You and I share a mutual connection on LinkedIn—Carol Marak, who’s here in the Dallas area. I think she asked you to participate in one of her groups. She’s doing some great work because of the exact reason you’re talking about: connection and knowing there are others going through similar struggles.

Kathy McNair: Carol has a fantastic course to help solo seniors prepare and think through all the important things they need to. She’s doing great work, and I know she has some exciting projects coming up. We’ve talked a few times, and I’ve really enjoyed our conversations. She’s definitely someone I’d like to collaborate with.

Eric Blake: Absolutely. She’s great. She’s in the Dallas area, and we’re a little north of her in McKinney. We’ve collaborated on a few things—she came to our International Women’s Day event, and we’ve done other events together. She’s doing amazing work.

So here’s what I’d like your input on. For someone listening and thinking, “This might be me, she’s talking about me,” what can they do to get started? What would be the first step or two they should take?

Kathy McNair: The first step is, if you don’t have legal documents in place, start there. Talk to an elder law attorney. And if the reason you don’t have documents is because you didn’t know who to put down in the roles, still start with the attorney.

If you don’t have people to appoint, check out soloallies.com. I have a lot of resources there. As an elder law attorney, I can tell you it happens all the time—clients sit in my office and hesitate before admitting, “I don’t have anybody to put down.” That’s my job: to help them figure it out.

In my office, I have the Aging Allies program, where I serve in these roles for some clients. But I can only do it for so many people. I also have a network of trusted professionals I can recommend. Any good elder law attorney should at least try to help you, even if it means connecting you with someone else.

Eric Blake: Perfect. That’s what I wanted to transition to next. I want to make sure people know how to connect with you. I know one of the reasons we had to reschedule our recording was because of your book. So, any resources—let’s make sure people know how to find them.

Kathy McNair: I do have my book right here. The book is called The Solo Senior’s Guide to Thrive. It’s for sale on Amazon. You can find it there. There’s such a huge need—so many people struggle to identify who they can count on. My goal is to make sure they can find reliable people to help. We live in such a scary world full of scams, so you really have to be careful who you pick.

Eric Blake: I don’t think the work you’re doing—vetting people in advance and providing resources—can be overstated. Just knowing where to go is so valuable. Are there any other websites or resources you recommend?

Kathy McNair: Yes. Alene Gerhardt in the Boston area has a website called navigatingsolo.com. That’s another great resource.

One other thing I don’t want to forget: once you have your documents and your people, you should revisit them every year. If you’re a solo senior, check annually to make sure everything still reflects your goals and wishes. Ask yourself: Are these still the right people? Can I still count on them?

If you haven’t talked to the person you’ve designated as healthcare proxy, power of attorney, trustee, or executor, check in with them. Ask, “Are you still up for this job?” Even if you asked last year, ask again.

Eric Blake: One of the things we’re doing in our practice is creating what I’d call a flow chart—who the different people are, what role they’re filling, and then every couple of years, bringing that back out to review. We ask: Are they still appropriate? Have you communicated expectations? I think that’s part of what a financial advisor or retirement planner can do, especially for women—help make sure we go beyond just checking boxes.

Kathy McNair: Absolutely. And I’m sure if they’re working with you, everything is organized and their assets are accounted for. But many people don’t work with a financial advisor, and they don’t have that organization. The more you can get things in one place, the better.

Also, in an emergency, someone needs to know who to call. You can have all the documents in place, but if no one knows where they are, it’s a problem. I always recommend giving a copy of your healthcare proxy to your doctor. They’ll make it part of your medical record. If you land in the hospital, they’ll know who to contact.

Your healthcare proxy should be able to reach anyone else needed. The whole goal is to build a support team: your financial advisor, your elder law attorney, your healthcare proxy, and your trusted friends. You want those people to be there to support you.

Eric Blake: Perfect. Thank you so much, Kathy. This has been awesome. If you’re wondering who’s going to be there to support you as you age, or if you’ve never thought about your power of attorney or estate plan beyond the paperwork, now’s the time to visit with someone like Kathy.

That’s it for today’s episode. Thank you for tuning in. We’ll share all of Kathy’s links in the episode summary at thesimplyretirementpodcast.com. Please don’t forget to like, follow, and share the show.

Until next time, remember—retirement is not the end of the road. It’s the start of a new journey.

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