TRANSCRIPT
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#90 - Divorce, Identity, and Financial Clarity After 50 With Mardi Winder
Eric Blake: Welcome to another episode of the Simply Retirement Podcast, where we want to empower and educate women to live your retirement on your terms. I’m your host, Eric Blake, practicing retirement planner with over 25 years of experience, founder of Blake Wealth Management, and I would not be the man I am today without the women in my life.
On today’s episode, I’m going to be joined by Mardi Winder, a strategic divorce consultant and the founder of Positive Communication Systems. Mardi works with high-achieving individuals, primarily women, who are navigating separation and divorce, often in high-conflict and high-asset situations. Her focus is helping clients reduce the emotional and financial cost of divorce by strengthening decision-making and communication.
On today’s show, we’re going to be talking about why divorce, especially later in life, can feel so overwhelming, how the right support can make a meaningful difference, and what women should be thinking about as they move through divorce and into the next phase of life. Mardi, welcome to the Simply Retirement Podcast.
Mardi Winder: Thank you, Eric, and I so appreciate the opportunity to be here and speak with your audience today.
Eric Blake: Absolutely. And I thought something was interesting as I was preparing. One of the great things about having a podcast is some of the great people I’ve come across and gotten a chance to meet.
As I was preparing for our conversation, I came across your podcast, of course, and we have very similar introductions. You start your podcast by saying you provide inspiration, motivation, and education to help people transition from the challenges of divorce to discover the freedom and ability to live life on their terms. I just wanted to throw that out there and get your thoughts on where that came from, and just the coincidence of how we start our podcasts.
Mardi Winder: Well, I think that’s the goal, right? Back in the day, divorce was often seen as this horrible, terrible thing, almost like the end of life, especially for women. I’m thinking back in the fifties, earlier, into the sixties and seventies, and even today, I still hear people who think divorce is the end.
It is the end of one chapter of your life, but it’s certainly not the end. There are so many possibilities moving forward, including getting more grounded in who you are, what you want to do, and how you want to spend the next however long you have on planet Earth.
Eric Blake: Right. I’d love for you to share your background and what led you to the work you’re doing today.
Mardi Winder: Thank you, Eric. I’m a Canadian living in Texas, so that’s a unique experience.
Eric Blake: I bet.
Mardi Winder: I went through my own divorce. I married later in life. I was in my thirties when I married and also in my thirties when I divorced. We had about a five- or six-year relationship, and it wasn’t a horrible marriage. There wasn’t abuse like many women and men experience. It was one of those situations where we probably should have stayed really good friends and not taken it to the marriage level.
Within five years, we were already going in different directions. We could have stayed good friends for life, but divorce came into the picture. We didn’t have children, but what should have been a simple process became incredibly conflict-driven. Other people got involved, people took sides, and things happened that should never occur during a divorce.
I don’t go into all the details, but it wasn’t pleasant, and I thought there had to be something better. At the time, I was also training to become a family and divorce mediator. I gained a lot of insight through that. Over the years, I saw more and more capable, confident people go through divorce and have experiences very similar to mine. I thought there had to be something I could do to help.
I spent time as a domestic violence client advocate and saw the abuse side firsthand. One of my roles was helping people prepare to divorce abusive partners, which gave me a very different perspective. I later went into leadership and executive coaching. People would Google me, discover I was a divorce mediator, and a lot of the struggles they were having in business were tied to struggles in personal relationships.
In 2015, I decided to go the divorce coaching route. I got into it relatively early, before a lot of people were doing divorce coaching. The industry and the service have evolved significantly since then.
Eric Blake: I always love hearing those background stories. There’s almost always a meaningful story behind why someone does what they do. Sometimes it’s a challenging story, but it often leads to passion and the ability to make a difference in other people’s lives.
Mardi Winder: I agree. People who have been through it have a different perspective than those with only an academic understanding.
Eric Blake: One thing I’d love your perspective on is divorce trends. We hear that divorce rates overall are declining, but gray divorce, divorce among people over 50, is increasing. From your perspective, why is divorce happening more later in life?
Mardi Winder: That’s a great question. It’s interesting how statistics can be manipulated, because marriage rates are also dropping. Gray divorce is definitely the fastest-growing demographic.
People are living longer and staying in the workplace longer. Women may be the higher-earning spouse, or they may have stayed home raising children who are now independent and successful. The working spouse is approaching retirement, and the woman may be thinking, now it’s time for me. She may want to start a nonprofit, return to work, or pursue further education.
Spouses often have very different visions for the next 20 years. There’s no point in staying in a bad relationship if it isn’t going to get better. Many people now see divorce as a way to move forward and live the lives they want for the years ahead.
Eric Blake: Our primary audience is women over 55, and one challenge is that divorce and retirement planning often collide. You’ve spent decades married and working toward retirement, and suddenly you’re making Social Security decisions and planning income while navigating divorce. How do women deal with that emotional and financial clash?
Mardi Winder: I’m not a financial person, so the first thing I do when clients say they don’t know if they can afford to divorce is require them to talk to a financial professional. Women, especially those who’ve been out of the workforce, often fear they’ll be broke or homeless.
I believe one in ten women who go through gray divorce fall below the poverty line. Women are scared of that. The first step is talking to a knowledgeable financial professional who can take an unbiased look at what the finances will look like through divorce.
Once that fear is cleared, women can make better decisions. If you don’t know where you stand financially, you may stay in a relationship you want to leave, or leave without strategy and lose money in the settlement process.
Eric Blake: I’d also encourage women to work with financial professionals who have experience in these situations. Retirement income planning is very different from accumulation, especially with Social Security, spousal benefits, and survivor benefits, even after divorce.
Mardi Winder: Exactly. Knowledge is power. Don’t rely on your neighbor, sister, or best friend’s experience. Every case is different.
Eric Blake: That transitions well into the role coaching can play in reducing the cost and stress of divorce.
Mardi Winder: People often ask how hiring someone can save money. It does. I help clients narrow down what questions to ask before meeting with attorneys and financial professionals. When I went through my divorce, all I could see was the end. I didn’t realize the millions of decisions along the way and how much each could impact the outcome.
I help people focus, ask the right questions, and direct questions to the right professionals. Attorneys should answer legal questions, not financial or therapeutic ones. Sometimes that means bringing in other professionals like certified divorce lending professionals.
We also work on decision-making, mediation strategies, emotional regulation, and self-care. That’s not bubble baths and chocolate. It’s sleep, nutrition, exercise, and recognizing when additional therapeutic support may be needed.
Eric Blake: One of the benefits of the podcast is learning that there are many types of divorces. Many women think it’s always a courtroom battle, but that’s not the case.
Mardi Winder: Only about 20% of divorces go to litigation. Most are settled through mediation, collaborative law, or direct negotiation. There are many creative options today, including arbitration and even divorce retreats where couples resolve everything over a few days.
Eric Blake: You mentioned earlier that many women expect relief once the divorce is final, but often experience uncertainty instead. What challenges show up after the paperwork is done?
Mardi Winder: There’s a lot of life maintenance afterward: separate bank accounts, retirement transfers, mortgages, housing decisions. Many women are overwhelmed and want a pause, but they have to stay engaged.
There’s also what I call the post-divorce void, especially after high-conflict divorces that last years. Divorce can become your identity. When it’s over, there’s a loss of direction. That’s why I start on day one asking where clients want to be one, five, and ten years post-divorce.
Eric Blake: Where do you feel you do your best work in the divorce process?
Mardi Winder: From contemplation through the divorce decree, with minimal post-divorce setup support. I focus on the strategic side, helping clients understand documents, plan conversations, and coordinate professionals.
Eric Blake: That sounds similar to translating legal or financial language into something more understandable.
Mardi Winder: Exactly. I don’t give legal or financial advice. I connect clients with the right professionals so they can make informed decisions.
Eric Blake: Can you talk about the importance of having the right team?
Mardi Winder: Every team looks different. Some clients need minimal support; others need extensive education. The team doesn’t need to constantly communicate with each other. The most important thing is trust, comfort, and accessibility.
Eric Blake: I tell people all the time, if someone says they help everybody, you should probably go another direction.
Mardi Winder: Absolutely.
Eric Blake: As we wrap up, can you share how listeners can learn more about your work and events like the D Shift Summit?
Mardi Winder: The D Shift Summit is March 24th. It’s a free educational event for people going through divorce and those who support them. You can learn more at www.divorcecoach4women.com, which also has my podcast and resources.
Eric Blake: Perfect. We’ll include those links in the show notes. Mardi, thank you so much for joining me. This has been such an important and timely conversation. And to our listeners, thank you for spending time with us today.
Remember, retirement is not the end of the road. It’s the start of a new journey.
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